What is it that helped me to go through my difficulties with anxiety? Most of the time I was responsible to find activities in volunteering, taking courses, going to events, conferences to help keep me busy, to try to avoid the constant nerves … but did they make me feel happier ?
My answers for this was never clear but what I can say is that activities kept me busy – so busy that I didn’t have much time for my own happiness. That was the structure in my life and it was working fine. Difficulties were erased from my life, at least this is what I thought. Then different questions emerged that were more related to the meaning of my life, what was my real well being ?
I had no answer for what it is be happy except I realized that a seeking mind might be an answer to face my suffering and to look for more accomplishments. I started what I call my ritual. I first acknowledged that I was unaware of my spiritual life. I was doing my activities trying to adapt the best I could to life circumstances but a deep meaning was missing.
Instead of looking at my life with idealistic, unattainable goals I created a ritual with my spiritual life. It consists of doing my meditation each morning and evening as part of my daily life. I put in every meditation a wish so it gives me a concrete objective of the day and it keeps my moods in control. From a spiritual perspective there is no reason for me to complain or to blame my destiny. I have to face it resolutely and be determined to rewrite it.