I was in my mid-twenties when I first found out I had a bipolar disorder. I was in shock and in complete denial. I had no idea about the spectrum of mental illness that existed; as a result, I was unable to reach out for help on my own. My mom had been confronting me about my escalating impulsivity and risky behaviour; I brushed it off as nothing for months.

At that time, I had gone through several difficult years, not having grieved the death of a close family member in a healthy manner. This also marked some out of character experimentation with pot and rash decision making. I had not gone through this in my teenage years. Now looking back, it seems that my depression was worsening, and instead of dealing with the problems at hand I was looking for an escape. I can really see that my greatest solace was in my writing; when I wrote diary entries regularly and dabbling with poetry and short stories, I had a better understanding of my emotions. This outlet gave me a say, an inner form of expression that was me, without any label of being ‘bipolar’.

I did not know that I was losing touch with my sense of self, allowing intense emotions to guide me in a false direction. It wasn’t just depression creeping through the cracks but overpowering thoughts invading my life daily. My parents and close family were deeply concerned until one day they decided to drag me to the ER where I finally got evaluated by a psychiatrist at the Royal Victoria Hospital.

By chance, during the several days I was held under observation at the psychiatric ward and received my bipolar diagnosis, a nurse told me about AMI-Quebec. I had discovered that there was an English organization which provided support and guidance to families. Suddenly there was a light amid the darkness and a pathway to health! The timing of discovering AMI was perfect as I attended a workshop immediately after I went home and felt much less isolated.

The AMI office had a library with greeting area, and a large room where families could discuss personal issues and get guidance. The low yearly fee to become a member was pocket change compared to the intense influence the organization would have on my current outlook and future life. Having heard the stories of other people living with bipolar, I recognized where stigma, fear and sadness lurked. AMI-Québec’s guidance and information showed me a way to reach happiness. They helped clear the fog around my diagnosis, and taught me life skills, giving me tips and reminders to honour myself in the process of recovery. I felt at ease in this place of acceptance.

In the past two decades since I joined, it is safe to say I have maintained my sense of self and have begun feeling balanced and proud. Recently, I participated in one of AMI’s support groups and found that I had something greater to offer: my own experience on the road back to health. I felt the need to share and support newly diagnosed attendees. AMI opened the door to my growth, development, and identification as an adult with bipolar disorder. I could not have built a better voice to house my tumultuous emotions on my own; I developed the courage to ask for help from my family, professionals, and others. I could not have gotten to this point without you. Thank you, AMI-Québec! I owe my first steps of survival to you!

–Roxanna Moscovitch
From Share & Care Fall 2025