Suicidal thoughts happen when someone thinks about, contemplates, or feels preoccupied with the idea of death and suicide. These thoughts can range from being very distracting to thoughts that simply come and go. Suicidal thoughts must be taken seriously regardless of the severity and intensity of thoughts, because they can impact mental health and lead to suicidal behaviours.

Recognizing the Warning Signs

In order to offer support to someone struggling with suicidal thoughts, you must first be able to recognize warning signs. Listen for verbal cues, statements like “I want to disappear” and “I want to sleep forever”. Look for behavioural changes like giving away belongings, saying goodbye in an unusual way, an increase in mood swings, or abusing drugs or alcohol. It’s crucial to take these signs seriously, as they could suggest that your loved one needs help.

Approaching the Conversation with Compassion

Should you notice these signs, it is important to initiate a conversation in a caring and compassionate way. Although it’s common to feel uncomfortable talking about suicide, addressing it directly can help the person feel supported and seen. Find a quiet, private space where you can have an uninterrupted conversation. Speak with empathy and avoid making them feel judged or guilty. Statements like “I really care about you” and “I am here for you, no matter what” demonstrate that you care without judgement. Don’t be afraid to mention suicide. Many people are worried that asking someone about suicide directly will plant the idea of suicide in their head. The truth is, someone contemplating suicide will likely feel isolated and ashamed. Asking them about their feelings may cause them to feel relieved and open the door for further discussion.

Practicing Active Listening and Patience

During the conversation, it’s important to remain an active listener. Be patient. Let them talk at their own pace. Acknowledge and validate their pain even if you don’t fully understand what they’re going through. Statements like “That sounds really difficult” and “I can see how hard this is on you” can help them feel seen or heard. Don’t try to fix their problems or offer solutions immediately. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply be present and show that you care.

Encouraging Professional Help and Support

Encourage your loved one to seek out professional help. Offer to help them find the professional care that they need. If they are reluctant, let them know it’s okay to seek help and be patient and non-judgemental. Share information related to mental health resources, crisis hotlines, and online support groups with them. The 9-8-8: Suicide Crisis Helpline is a service that offers confidential help in both English and French and is available 24/7. If they are hesitant to make an appointment or use a support service, offer to go with them. Just knowing they won’t be alone might ease their anxiety.

Creating a Safety Plan

A safety plan is a personalized plan that includes strategies for when suicidal thoughts feel overwhelming and includes contact information for mental health professionals, a list of people to reach out to for support, and coping mechanisms. Help your loved one create a safety plan by asking them what strategies they use to cope and whether there is anything specific that helps them feel safe. Ensure that they have access to immediate help by making a list with phone numbers of crisis hotlines, mental health professionals, and supportive family members and friends.

Staying Connected

After the initial conversation, continue to check in on your loved one. Small acts of kindness, like sending a text or inviting them to an activity can help them feel connected and supported.

Caring for Yourself While Supporting Others

Supporting someone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts can take an emotional toll on you as well. It’s essential to practice self-care and set boundaries to make sure that you don’t become overwhelmed. Know your limits and recognize when the situation is beyond your ability to help and encourage your loved one to reach out to a professional. Consider talking to a mental health professional yourself and or joining a support group for loved ones of those living with mental health challenges. Remember that it is okay to seek help for yourself too. None of us are meant to face such challenges alone.

If you or someone you care about is thinking about suicide, visit amiquebec.org/suicide for organizations that can help.

–Elizabeth Buchanan
From Share&Care Spring 2025

Visit amiquebec.org/sources for references